As every years we have to reminding ourselves that we're getting old, and age is just a number. For me it is. Twenty, i think, is such a really big step on my life. As I ever said on my previous post that all about the ages, you don't have to wait any longer to make something in yourself. Age is just a number that would reminds yourself that you're now in those life which always making you growing up day by day, years by years, it ain't gonna stop until the day it's over. So what's then? Do not ever waste times.
Twenty years of a life, such a huge life for me of course. Being a person who concerns much about what would or what wouldn't I ever do in this shitty life, is sometimes giving you such a great adventage indeed. You don't have to think about someone else's opinions about yourself, but you're just always been able to doing what you have to do to make yourself, yourself.
I've always been waiting for some moments, some hopes. I used to be someone who despretely needs some things that I wanted in life, and every years of my damn life I always wish I could be that lucky to find that one. As the years grow up, I learned that much. Twenty years and all I got right here, right now, is that how thankful I am and how I feel so blessed with so much things of what I got in this twenty years of life. I still breath, I still have so much people around me who cares so much about me. Family, friends, I don't have to count for the amount of them but their presences are the matters. And I feel it really good for myself for about this day.
The point of this day is not about I'm finally getting 20 this year, I even think that I already 20 since the day one of this year 2016. Once again, it's not all about the amount of your age. It's about something what you learned from it, from your life, and what do you think you got until this time, reminding ourselves that we are able to doing anything we want if we have to believe in ourselves and fight for it no matter what happens.
So many things, so many goals, so many disappointment, so many losses.. I've done it really well, I think. Who ever said it easy to losing something you loved? It gone well, and for everyone who made my years really wonderful until this freaking day.. I can't say anything but I feel so blessed.
So me and my High School best mates were having a Sleepover in my house last night, and they took me a surprise with some baloons and a doughnuts, YEAYY! My mum brought me my fave snacks because she knows the best. And the best is that I still can feel this unstoppable joyfulness everytime I remind myself of this people around myself.
So many years to come.. So many experience, lesson, yet it would be much harder than it was. But it's okay. You're just the one over a million people who will also get all of them suckness. Blow a candle and piece of a cake, cheers for another good moment to be remembered!

Barusan aja lagi liat-liat Youtube, searching for some good videos. Correct me, but I think that now Youtube are mostly isinya ya mirip2 lah, kalo gak cover-coveran lagu orang, tutorial make up, daily vlog youtubers2 yang bahkan sekaran gue udah liat banyak orang2 Indo, cewek2 yang udah banyak ngelakuin tutorial entah make up lah apalah, well for me it wasn't interesting at all. Gue penggemar Youtube dari dulu, selalu ada aja Video bagus dalam satu hari gue temuin, entah itu cuman daily videos dari Youtubers2 faforit gue or any kind of them. Tapi barusan aja, I just watched Connor Franta's video and he talked about something that really blown my mind up right here.

I'm too old for this, I'm to young for this. 

You could see the video right here this LINK. And for sure, gue sangat suka banget tiba2 gak jelas nulis-nulis, ngeluarin apa yang pengen gue keluarin, tiba2 aja tengah malem mau banget bahas ginian. Sebenernya dari kemaren udah pengen nulis tentang review jalan2 gue minggu lalu, but I will work with it kok! But for now, gue cuman lagi pengen nulis gak jelas aja, pengen banget sharing dengan apa yang udah dibahas Connor di video yang baru aja gue tonton itu.
"We are too old for this thing" or "We are too young for this"
Sejujurnya, ada gak sih yang bisa bener2 ngatur 'umur' kita untuk kita bisa ngelakuin sesuatu hal, yang menurut kita bisa kita lakuin. No matter how many ages do we have. Dan ini yang ngebuat gue bertanya lagi, emang ada ya sebenernya batas-batas ukuran itu?
Gue pengen cerita waktu gue diumur2 masa SMA, atau sekitaran 17an tahun, which is 3 tahun sebelumnya. Itu adalah di masa2 akhir gue sebagai murid SMA, dan waktu itu gue meyakini diri gue dimana disaat umur segitulah gue sudah pasti bisa memutuskan sebuah keputusan yang ingin gue ambil yang pasti berpengaruh untuk kedepannya. For a 17 years girl who struggled with any sucked up things such as exams, and whatsoever, pemikiran yang cukup jauh udah gue lewatin masa2 itu. Having so many bad dreams, worries about something that could happens in my life. Gue pikir, dan gue meyakini, di umur 17an itu gue bisa tau keputusan itu.
Lalu gue memutuskan sebuah pilihan untuk berjalan di suatu arah, yang ternyata pada akhirnya gak sama dengan apa yang gue lakuin saat ini. Dan ketika gue sadar semuanya, gue akhirnya tau. Bukan umur yang menjamin segalanya yang bisa lo lakuin di kehidupan lo. 17 tahun gue pikir umur yang cukup buat bisa memilih sebuah keputusan. So then am I too young at that time? Enggak. Sekarang dimana umur gue udah 20 tahun, gue pikir dulu di umur segini gue bisa bener2 tau apa yang akan gue lakuin kedepannya. So is it right? Sama sekali enggak. I'm still a struggle person, yang belum benar2 tau apa yang akan gue lakuin, bahkan dalam beberapa bulan kedepan.
Dan gue berfikir lagi, am I too old to be struggling such a thing like this? I mean for a 20 years old person, apa wajar untuk belum benar2 tau apa yang akan dilakuin, belum benar2 tau keinginannya apa, belum tau keputusan yang udah diambil benar atau enggak? Nobody could ever decide it. Karena emang umur gak menentukan segala. Age is doesn't define who you truly are.
Gue masih banyak kok ngeliat beberapa kasus orang yang masih struggle buat masa depan dia dan segala keputusan2nya, padahal dia udah nginjek kepala 5. How could it be like? Apa orang akan langsung bilang kayak "Well sir you're too old for being 50 years old person to struggling about life"
Oh, fuck that.
And it comes all over my head right here. Gue selalu yakin kalo gue suatu saat nanti bakalan tau kok dengan apa yang harus gue lakuin. Dan setelah gue pada akhirnya tau kalo di umur segini aja gue masih belum bener2 yakin sama diri sendiri. Then for how much longer? Nobody ever knows.
Karena pada akhirnya menurut gue gak ada orang yang bisa tau entah kapan dia akan ngelakuin ini, ngelakuin itu, mutusin hal ini dan itu, mengambil beberapa pilihan hidup, once again it's not about the age. But who you really are.
Ketika lo bisa yakin pada suatu hal, yang mungkin menurut pandangan orang "You're too old for that", then just do it. Karena bukan pemikiran ataupun pandangan orang yang bakal mengatur kehidupan lo, dimana lo ingin ngelakuin sesuatu, ataupun lo pengen ngambil sebuah keputusan. There's no fucking age level for someone to doing what they really want.


R